The Date.

I went on my first real date in a long time over the weekend.

To start with, here is a post I wrote immediately after the date on Tumblr.

I had a great date today! I’m still too giddy to sleep.

He took me to Universal Studios. We went on rides. We talked in line. There were a few awkward silences because I’m a quiet person, but it’s ok because he didn’t seem bothered. He paid for EVERYTHING, which is a big deal because I haven’t been on a date where I wasn’t the one paying in a long time. I got to fangirl like crazy over the Jurassic Park ride. We cracked jokes about the ridiculous Transformers line. We made comparisons to other theme parks. We road the backlot tram and he put his arm around me cuz I got cold. Then we talked around more. We looked around a comic book store at the City Walk. We saw these little Doctor Who toys and he bought me one. I threw out the suggestion of seeing the Hobbit (half serious, half joking). He liked the idea and we were like perfect timing for the show. I finally got him to hold my hand about half way through the movie, when I gave up on subtly putting my hand on the arm rest between us and basically just laid my head down on his shoulder, and he took that as a cue to grab my hand. He didn’t let go the rest of the movie. We went to get mexican food and stayed until we were the last ones in the restaurant. Drove home, had more conversations. I got nervous when he walked me to the door and just went in for a hug… I wanted to kiss him but was too shy… I don’t know when I turned into a little girl about things, but yeah. I’ve been home for probably an hour, and I’m still smiling. I believe I am smitten. :)

 So that's Cliff's Notes version.

Part of me is so excited and happy right now. I couldn't have asked for a better first date. I mean, we hung out for 13ish hours alone and I know I didn't want it to end, and he didn't seem like he was in a hurry to leave either. The other part of me is so afraid of getting my hopes up (even though they're pretty damn up right now).

Earlier today I talked to asshat on the phone. He was calling to say hi and of course he asked about my date because he saw it on twitter. Now, to the uneducated eye it would appear that I was posting things on twitter just so he'd see them and possibly get jealous. Maybe Sam from a few months back did stuff like that, but I was honestly just wanting to tell someone, and thought that twitter was a better alternative than texting my friends who have already heard too much about me being silly over boys. Plus, my family doesn't follow me on twitter, so I can post things there without them asking a bunch of questions. Asshat getting jealous or anything is a side effect. So aside from asshat not understanding why I feel awkward talking to him about this guy, he was very adamant that he's happy for me and that he wants me to be happy with this guy. I appreciate that, I guess. Not that I was looking for his blessing. Part of me feels like a jerk because I was definitely not very happy for him when he was dating someone not too long ago. But times have changed.

Asshat brought up a good point though while we talked on the phone. He said something along the lines of, "this guy kinda came out of nowhere, huh?" And I corrected him, pointing out that this guy and I have been texting since August. I actually remember the first time we text, it was the day after I got my horrendous speeding ticket. Part of the reason I was speeding (part... because anyone who drives with me knows I speed anyway haha) was because I was so excited. Why was I excited? I was leaving a party at my friend's house, and she had been saying for probably a year that she wants to hook me up with this guy. I'd met him at a few parties, thought he was cute, but never really got to know him. At this particular party, I made a point to talk to him. It was really easy. I'm usually super shy, and I was still shy, but I really tried to be much more relaxed than I usually am around people I don't know well. I found that we had a few things in common. He made me laugh a few times. So when I left the party, I was too afraid to give him my number myself, but I told Summer that if he wanted it, she could give it to him. That's when I left, feeling a little bit of a rush for actually taking a chance... and ended up getting a ticket for going 92 mph. At least it made for a great conversation starter when he text me for the first time the next day.

I want to say that was August 20th? Maybe the 21st? So basically the end of August. For a while we would probably text a little bit here and there, every other week or so. Then we started texting a little more frequently, about every other day. He'd remember things that I had said a few weeks before, like what days I had shows, and text me to say have a good show or ask how things went. He told me on our date that he can be a little oblivious to things, and he definitely was (we missed freeway exits and got lost a few times haha not to mention the hints I tried to drop to get him to hold my hand), but for someone who doesn't think he's observant, he thought to take me to Universal Studios because he remembered I had a pass for there... I mentioned that once probably a few months ago.

Since about Thanksgiving (which I know I already blogged about, so I won't rewrite all that again) we've been talking pretty much every day. I'm one of those people that assigns ring/text tones for people so that I know who is calling/texting me before I even look at my phone. Every time I hear the tone I set for him, I smile automatically. (Coincidently, he text me as I wrote that. He has perfect timing in his texts sometimes). He usually texts me first, but we just text periodically throughout the night while he's at work. Not gonna lie, we usually end our conversations with me falling asleep because he doesn't get off work until really late and I try to stay up as late as I can. Soon his schedule is going to have him working a lot later and a lot longer.

But he'll have more days off. And he's already said he wants to go out again soon.

When he walked me to the door at the end of the night and I said I really had fun and would want to do it again, he started listing all the free time he's going to be having soon.

But the point is (yes, there was a point), this isn't like any of my other relationships. This feels like it's moving at a snails pace in comparison. I've been talking to him longer than some of my past relationships have lasted haha. Now, I'm not saying I want things to be at lightning speed. I'm a little disappoint we didn't kiss on our date, but at the same time it's really kind of nice that there's like a build up. I've felt like my last few relationships (aka all the ones from drum corps) were like matches. When you strike a match is burns bright, hot and fast, then it's gone. I feel like that's how a lot of my relationships have been. Especially the last few. Those were years ago. It sounds cheesy, but I'm older and smarter now. I don't want some quick thing where I'm broken hearted after 2 months. I'm at the point where I'm dating to find someone worth staying with for the long run. Do I think this guy is that someone? I don't know yet. And that's ok. I will not lie, I would definitely want to be his girlfriend. But I also want to know a little more about him first. I mean, I'm still learning basic things about him, and vice versa. I don't mind if this is a slow burn.

I'm just being a little love sick puppy right now. I guess it's better than my usual cynical, melancholy self. Stupid things that I guess would be considered normal for a date seemed like such a big deal to me. Things like he picked me up, he opened doors for me, he paid for me... The last time I went out with a guy, and it wasn't even an official date, I was paying for everything, I was driving. He was super sweet. I don't know.

I've been kind of psyching myself out today though. I've told people now that I've been out with this guy. My family knows (I met him outside when he got here because I was not going to have him come to the door when my entire freaking family is here), I told my guard kids today (that's a story in itself), and now asshat knows. My besties have already heard everything haha but now it seems more fragile because I've told more people. I told one of my friends that I'm now paranoid that he'll lose interest now that I've told people. Of course it's a silly, irrational, irrelevant fear. But since when am I rational?