Hello, hello.

Been a while, again. Sorry 'bout that. I've not been the busiest person, but busy enough not to write any blogs. So I have decided to write a little different blog. This is one of those "for me" things. I recently made this "my favorite songs" playlists on iTunes. I'm always saying "that's my favorite song!" when I hear certain songs, so I actually put them all into a play list. Funny thing is, almost every song reminds me of something important... at least, important to me anyway. So I'm going to jot down basically the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the song... And I'm not going to sugar coat anyhting, most of these remind me of break ups haha. Lame, I know.



- Twenty Two Fourteen The Album Leaf
The apartment... I can't explain it more than that.

- Too Far Gone The All-American Rejects
When I dumped Billy. I don't remember exactly why though. That's just what comes to mind when I hear it.

- The Last Song The All-American Rejects
After I get dumped... I listen to this song and it empowers me... reminds me of how much of a dick [insert ex-boyfriend name here] was haha.

- Dance Inside The All-American Rejects
Eating Cup Noodles in my dorm at UCI.

- Passerby Allie Moss
This is a new one. So I guess I can say it makes me thing of now. I'm thinking of doing it for an I&E routine... if I don't chicken out haha.

- I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor Arctic Monkeys
Driving in the rain home from Irvine Winter Quarter 06. I would sing it at the top of my lungs. Lame, I know.

- The Boys of Summer The Ataris
Hey, I can laugh at myself. I totally have my boys of summer ;D lol

- The Funeral Band of Horses
OMG. This HAS to be in my top 5 favs. I think of SO much. Driving Turnbull Canyon at full speed in the pouring rain [I don't wanna talk about it], working at my dad's office making his website... many sleepless nights and early mornings driving to CostPlus... I HAVE to listen to it as loud as I can. Despite the fact it reminds me of not-so-great things, I always get a HUGE smile on my face and sing along at the top of my lungs.

- Blackbird The Beatles
Working at Carter's. This song ALWAYS played, but it wasn't the actual Beatles version.

- Walk of Shame College A Cappella Humor
PC Guard 05! We needed stretch music and Joy and Sharisse started singing this. Hilarious.

- Pathetic Blink-182
First thing I learned to play on guitar. I was 13 at the time, give me a break. I still love the song to this day. Don't Judge.

- Apple Shampoo Blink-182
Favorite Blink song.

- I'm Sorry Blink-182
High school...

- Untitled Blink-182
I listen to this song when I wanna tell an ex off... since I don't think I've ever really done it [correct me if I'm wrong]. Just one of those "I'm in a pissed off mood" songs.

- Carousel Blink-182
Old Favorite Blink song haha.

- 18th Floor Balcony Blue October
Summer 07. Laying on Adam's bed listening to this song over and over.

- Re: Stacks Bon Iver
So many things... most too personal to write.

- First Day of My Life Bright Eyes
This is my optimism song. Everytime I'm either sad and need a reminder that things aren't as crappy as I think or I'm in an EXTREMELY good mood, I listen to this song. Ukulele... how can you not find it optimistic?

- She Loves Everybody Chester French
Another current one. I remember showing Noah while he was home for spring break the music video of a girl kicking the shit out of the band...

- The Scientist Coldplay
A sad song... like most I like. I'm a depressing person apparently? haha.

- Life In Technicolor Coldplay
Driving to the Tonight Show with Noah. :]

- Lovers In Japan / Reign of Love Coldplay
Winter guard... not because someone did a show of it, but because I would listen to it as I drove to the shows.

- Fix You Coldplay
My ALL TIME FAVORITE! It's sad, it's happy... it's everything. It makes me think of MANY things, but the first memory is of driving to work at JC Penney the day after Christmas in 05. I got the CD for Christmas the day before. 2nd best Christmas gift that year... that's when I got my first iPod so that was number 1 haha.

- I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You Colin Hay
Garden State! And breaks... I love Colin Hay.

- Overkill (Acoustic Version) Colin Hay
That one Scrubs episode... and my brother. We both love that episode and song.

- Ice Dance Danny Elfman
Just makes me think of Christmas...

- Nature Boy David Bowie
Junior year. For the obvious, that it was in my field show that year, and the not to obvious...

- I Will Follow You Into The Dark Death Cab For Cutie
Laying away in my bed at the apartment

- A Lack Of Color Death Cab For Cutie
Another one in the top 5. Makes me thing of sitting on a dark beach at night [redundant, I know], in the rain crying... ignoring texts from 2 of my closest friends. Jan of 08... That was a VERY bad night for me.

- Disappear Dream Theater
The day Noah broke up with me. I remember it as clear as a bell. I sat on my bed for HOURS, refusing to do ANYTHING, just listening to this song on repeat. I even got out my guitar and tried to learn it just as a means of distracting myself. I can listen to it now and appreciated it for the great song that it is, but it took almost 2 years to get to that point... and to this day I still have a hard time listening to the full song because the memories rush back all too vividly.

- Octavarium Dream Theater
Watching Dream Theater DVDs with Noah in his living room. Let me tell you, watching music DVDs with Noah is an experience in itself haha.

- Under a Glass Moon Dream Theater
The first time I drove the freeway. Noah and I were going to my dorm room one Sunday morning... It's sad but I know where we were on the freeway too... it's also where he got the 341 for his YouTube account name... cuz we were commenting on how random a number it was... fyi, that's the amount you have to pay if you get a ticket for driving in the carpool lane illegally in the OC.

- The Glass Prison Dream Theater
Just one of my favorites of theirs... the Gigantour version, not the Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence one...

- Friday, I'm In Love Dryden Mitchell
Driving home from Irvine my first year.

- Hotel California Eagles
Driving along the Beach.

- Between The Bars Elliott Smith
Being sick on tour. Or, really when I got home.

- Miss Misery Elliott Smith
July - Dec 08... That was just a BAD time.

- The Way Fastball
Noah. I forget why though...

- Every New Day Five Iron Frenzy
Kevin told me to listen to this shortly after we broke up and it really helped me through it. It makes me feel better.

- Everlong ( ACOUSTIC ) Foo Fighters
PROM! I don't know how many times I've told this story, but I ditched my Senior prom to see the Foo Fighters. That's the condensed version. They were playing next door to prom and since prom was pretty damn lame, we decided to leave early. Listened to the end of their set from the parking lot as Noah and I waited for his mom to come get us. I know it's not the slowest song [espeically live] but we danced to Everlong in the parking lot. It made the night for me.

- All Will Be Well The Gabe Dixon Band
Another optimistic/makes me feel good song.

- Ninety Five Get Back Loretta
Driving to San Diego to see Get Back Loretta haha. I was stuck in a TON of traffic and this was one of the only songs of theirs I had on my iPod at the time, so I listened to it a bunch to get myself hyped to see them live.

- Girlface Get Back Loretta
My favorite of theirs. It's just pretty.

- Pretty Sogn Get Back Loretta
Valentine's Day 08. Kevin sent me a message at midnight with the lyrics. Very cute.

- Feel Good Inc. Gorillaz
Driving to Memorial Camp in 05. It was I think my 2nd rehearsal with PC [I actually filled a hole that year] I got a ride with Noah, and his parents. We stopped at the Spectrum on the way to Mission Viejo and got lunch. His dad had just gotten the CD so we listened to it on the way down. I also ended up buying said CD at the Mall of New Hampshire at the end of tour so I had something to listen to on the plane ride home haha. [way before I got an iPod]

- We Intertwined The Hush Sound
Driving along Hacienda Blvd.

- Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
How I really met Noah. Long story short, back before the days of MySpace and Facebook there was Xanga... shortly after my sister broke his heart, I was reading his sad posts, just out of curiosity and feeling sorry for the poor kid... and I may be entirely wrong, but that was the song playing on his Xanga when he started to get over her [at least in writing ;)].

- Goodbye My Lover James Blunt
Another after break up one... which is for self explanatory reasons.

- Casper: Casper's Lullaby James Horner
One of my favorite movies when I was little. I love it. It can sooth me when I'm down or just can't sleep.

- I'm Yours Jason Mraz
Beach days this past summer. Though now it just makes me think of one of our warm ups for PC this year haha.

- Know When to Walk Away Jay Clifford
Just a recent goodie.

- Hallelujah Jeff Buckley
Driving home from a random night trip to the beach with Noah.

- Gotta Be Somebody's Blues Jimmy Eat World
Making very stupid phone calls, that I knew I shouldn't have been making, while driving and emotional on the freeway... bad ideas all around.

- 23 Jimmy Eat World
Halloween 06. Drama! But I spent an enjoyable night with 2 great boys that made up for the crappy parts. :]

- The Middle Jimmy Eat World
My mom! When the song first came out on the radio she'd sing along and have the words completely wrong... then once we corrected her, she just kept singing them wrong because it aggravated Olivia hah.

- Take Me Home, Country Roads John Denver
My Dad. :] He loves John Denver and this is one of my favorites.

- Theme (From "Jurassic Park") John Williams
Do I really need to explain? hahah

- Heartbeats José González
This past winter... just a good one.

- Winter Joshua Radin
Another in the Top 5... It reminds me of my first apartment... And the show Scrubs, obviously... But it just makes me feel better about myself [Lyrics say "I should know, who I am right now" but the guy doesn't know who he is... so it makes you feel better about not knowing what you want or who the real you is]

- One of Those Days Joshua Radin
Another self explanatory one.

- Sky Joshua Radin
I just love singing along to this one...

- Sundrenched World Joshua Radin
Tear jerker... just saying...

- What If You Joshua Radin
A tear jerker for personal reasons. Driving to and from Noah's after we'd broken up... sneaking in and out of windows :]

- What Goes Around.../...Comes Around Interlude Justin Timberlake
Karma's a bitch... just saying...

- Strong Enough Kina Grannis
Being sick on tour. Jen Lee let me use her iPod while I was stuck inside and I found this on there. I loved it. Turned out to help A LOT with some things that came shortly after.

- Superman Lazo Bane
If you don't know why, you fail.

- Astair Matt Costa
ShanLav! She told me about Matt Costa

- Monster Meg & Dia
Meeting Jamie from TWLOHA. They played at Fullerton that day.

- Built to Last Mêlée
Seeing Mêlée at the Glasshouse with Melania.

- Broken Heart Motion City Soundtrack
Seeing MCS at HOB with Melania... Plus, when isn't there a good time to listen to MCS? Just saying...

- L-O-V-E Nat King Cole
PC Guard 07. Sung it before almost every show. I still remember singing it at Semis... I was trying not to cry from all the emotions and excitement.

- Right Where It Belongs Nine Inch Nails
Puts things into perspective.

- Graustarkian Noah Hernandez
Yes, I have it on my iPod... Good song... though, I may be bias :P


- "What Happens in Vegas..." Pacific Crest
My favorite show... don't judge... [J.S. this year my trump it.]

- Ave Maria Pacific Crest
Should be obvious.

- I Caught Myself Paramore
- The Way Up: Part Three Pat Metheny Group
Noah's room at night. I still want to fall asleep instinctively when I hear it :]

- Life's a Song Patrick Park
Just saying...

- California Phantom Planet
The OC... not just the show...

- Penelope Pinback
Originally listened to it to impress a boy... ended up loving it. My favorite of theirs.

- Rise From The Ashes Quietdrive
One of my "empowering" post-break up songs.

- Let Me Sign (Bonus Track) Rob Pattinson
Yes, it's from Twilight, don't judge. I just really like it.

- New Slang The Shins
"You gotta listen to this song. It'll change your life, I swear..." :]

- Breathe Me Sia
Rain... I don't know why... just rain...

- The Night Starts Here Stars
A recent fav for many reassons.

- I Was Just Thinking Teitur
Another I got from Jen Lee's iPod while sick... after hearing it once, I knew Zach was going to break up with me. How I knew that, I don't know... but I kept trying to convince myself I was wrong until he proved me right haha.

- Roundabout Yes
Another in the Top 5... driving around getting lost with Noah.

- Start Today Tomorrow Youth Group
Another 08 downer song... Fuck, that was a bad year haha.

- No, It Isn't (+44)
Moping in my Irvine dorm after Noah dumping me, my potential roomies bailing on me & getting in a car accident... Winter Quarter 06 was NOT a good quarter socially... but taking 20 units was a good distraction haha. And I got at least a B in all the classes so there lol.

Definitely only a third of the actual play list, but it's late and they don't all have something interesting to them [as some of these have probably proven]. Like I said, "for me"... plus some of the stories I don't feel need to be shared with the entire world. Well, that's my idea of a blog update... so enjoy...

Hi Blog!

I've missed you, really I have. I've just been bored and too caught up in self-loathing to write anything. So, it's not you, it's me.

Okay, anyway, like I said, I'm bored. I'm sitting, well really laying, here and though I should be sleeping I'm on the internet. The kids have Championships in the morning. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty nervous. Last year, it was almost a guarantee that they were going to medal and they ended up taking home gold. This year, totally different story. They are neck-in-neck with everyone else in their division. If I had a magic 8 ball right now and I asked if they were going to medal tomorrow, I'm guessing I would either get "try again later," or "out look doesn't look good." They have been done for a while. I'll admit I was over winter guard a few weeks ago, probably been over it since their first show, I'm not a fan of indoor, but I've put a lot of myself into this show and have still dedicated myself. We've done everything we can do. Every count has been clarified multiple times, we've gone over every minute detail that could possibly been addressed... I don't know what there is left to do. It's in their hands. They have told us time and time again that they want another gold, and Jen has told them of her nightmares of them getting called fourth. So, I just talked in a huge circle. I spent $60 on roses for the kids today. Yay for credit cards... not really, but whatever. Jen and I have always gotten them roses and balloons; I'm usually rose bitch. So that's what's going on guard land. When out and tossed my PC issue equipment around... my knee is purple... knee catch apparently does not work.

But that story assists, in a very roundabout way, this one. Today, I had the joyful experience of getting 5-6, I'm pretty sure 5 but don't quote me, cortisone shots into my shoulder blade. Fantastic, I know. I had SWORN I wouldn't go through with the shots if they said I needed them, because my dad gave me this big long lecture on how he heard they shortened your life and are bad for you and blah blah blah. Well, my doctor says my dad if full of shit, no news there. Basically, I have what are called trigger points. Kind of like pressure points, but not. Anyway, in June 2007, while rehearsing for Sneak Preview, I had a back spasm which lead to me sitting out of half a rehearsal and being put on a shit load of ibuprofen. [Side note: I'm listening to PC 07 right now and since I'm mentioning it in the blog at the same time it's making me REALLY nostalgic and excited for camp next weekend] The pain kind of went away, but I just kind of dealt with it the rest of the summer. Eventually my upper back hurt more and more and I went to the doctors in early 08... same story. So I, again, dealt with it. Finally I went to the doctors again after coming home from tour. You know, when they told me PC prematurely sent me home? Yeah, that time. [I'm not still upset about that, oh no...] THIS time it was not the same story. I was told I had a trigger point and that I would have to get steroid shots if it didn't improve. I was, again, given a shit load of ibuprofen and told to massage and use a heating pad everynight. I couldn't make that happen every night but I did my best. I was also told to avoid cold temperatures, and being out at field shows did not help with that any. BUT still, no improvement. SO, almost 2 years after injuring myself, and not really being able to use my right arm without horrible pain for the last few weeks, I went back to the doctors. After 2 seconds my doc could tell it was jacked up and we discussed what I would do. We decided on cortisone shots into the trigger points along my right shoulder blade, as a short term fix and to break the cycle of pain, then I have to make an appointment with a physical therapist, which the way my doc described it, will basically be a very deep tissue massage and they'll show me how to prevent spasms and such. Coolio but not. I had to get shots! In my shoulder blade! I HATE SHOTS! They gave me liquid nitrogen spray first, which burns like a bitch btw, then they did the shots. I felt FANTASTIC for a good hour, but now I'm hurting again, not like before, more like when you get the flu shot and feel a little bruised. Except its all along my shoulder blade. Son of a bitch.

I still have no job. There was a potential job for which I had scheduled an interview for this morning... but then I found out it was that knife company Milk Chocolate works for and I decided I wasn't ready to completely sell my soul... I also did not have the $135 needed as a deposit. Who does that?! Nothing from the district in weeks. It's really pretty lame. I have kind of given up on them. My mom and I talked about me going onto unemployment but I don't know what that would work.

Love-wise things have been pretty blah... would probably help if I got out of the house more often and stuff, but other than getting hit on by a few guys at bars with Sarah and Vanessa and a strange increase in the number of high school boys hitting on me while I coach, nothing looks promising. Noah has been way too busy for me lately. At first I was really panic-y about it. I was really depressed that I wasn't talking to him every single night and if I did it was literally so he could tell me good night. Or I'd get some random text saying he missed me or loves me. But still, I think I've had one or 2, tops, 6+ mins conversations with him in 3 weeks. I know he's in school and super busy... and that I'm not his girlfriend, I still care about him and that doesn't just turn off, though I really wish it would sometimes. I've gotten a lot more... if I say 'okay' I sound like I'm being facetious... I guess you could say more accepting? I don't know how to word it. Indifferent? I don't know. The way I look at it, he's making an effort and I'm not his girlfriend, gotta give him some credit. I've just stopped hoping he'll call and when he does it's almost a surprise. Tonight he has a gig with Rockasaurus Rex in Memphis at some party. He was telling me how ridiculously busy he was going to be today. It's been really hard for me to understand that he's really busy and that I need to not worry about it since I'm not "involved" with him, but at the same time, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I shouldn't believe him and that he's making things up and doing things, aka other girls, without telling me. We had told each other we'd be 100% honest if anything were to come up or happen, and he's proven that with telling me about Melissa, aka Alabama Girl, moving to Memphis next year... but I've been burned before and I've been so cautious of letting other people into my trust... but whatever. I'm over thinking, as usual. It's what I'm good at. I found out that OFFICIALLY I'm an alumni of UCI today and even though my degree is in History, it should be over thinking... aka philosophy... also see, B.S.

So that's my bloated attempt at an update. I'm still attempting Gone With The Wind. Hell of a book... in that I'm not even 100 pages in and captivated and put off by its shear size. I will finish before leaving on tour, oh yes, I will.

Now it is time for beddy bye. I'm thinking of working on my applications this coming week... since that was my goal for this week and it didn't happen in the least. If I decided to procrastinate, I'm going to make sure that it's doing something other than playing the Sims. Now I'm just procrastinating on sleep so I need to get off the typity box...



Good night, Moon!

I leave you with this. It's probably one of the more adorable versions of this song, ever.

[Frankly,] My dear, I don't give a damn!

Hey folks,

Yeah I haven't written in awhile. I have lots, I guess, I write about but right now we're going to take another look into my book-of-the-moment. This time it's Gone With The Wind. I'm not far along at all but here are some interesting facts.

- FACT: The "frankly" was added for the movie. He's much sweeter about shunning Scarlett in the book.
- FACT: It is really hard to read the slave's dialogue. Phonetic spelling is a bitch.
- FACT: Scarlett was only 16! WTF? I don't remember that from the movie.
- Favorite passage thus far:

When the twins left Scarlett standing on the porch of Tara and the last sound of flying hooves had died awa, she went back to her chair like a sleepwalker. Her face went stiff as from pain and her mouth actually hurt from having stretched it, unwillingly, in simles to prevent the twins from learning her secret. She sat down wearily, tucking one foot under her, and her heart swelled up with misery, until it felt too large for her bosom. It beat with odd little jerks; her hands were cold, and a feeling of disaster oppressed her.

Good quote.