Hi Blog!

I've missed you, really I have. I've just been bored and too caught up in self-loathing to write anything. So, it's not you, it's me.

Okay, anyway, like I said, I'm bored. I'm sitting, well really laying, here and though I should be sleeping I'm on the internet. The kids have Championships in the morning. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty nervous. Last year, it was almost a guarantee that they were going to medal and they ended up taking home gold. This year, totally different story. They are neck-in-neck with everyone else in their division. If I had a magic 8 ball right now and I asked if they were going to medal tomorrow, I'm guessing I would either get "try again later," or "out look doesn't look good." They have been done for a while. I'll admit I was over winter guard a few weeks ago, probably been over it since their first show, I'm not a fan of indoor, but I've put a lot of myself into this show and have still dedicated myself. We've done everything we can do. Every count has been clarified multiple times, we've gone over every minute detail that could possibly been addressed... I don't know what there is left to do. It's in their hands. They have told us time and time again that they want another gold, and Jen has told them of her nightmares of them getting called fourth. So, I just talked in a huge circle. I spent $60 on roses for the kids today. Yay for credit cards... not really, but whatever. Jen and I have always gotten them roses and balloons; I'm usually rose bitch. So that's what's going on guard land. When out and tossed my PC issue equipment around... my knee is purple... knee catch apparently does not work.

But that story assists, in a very roundabout way, this one. Today, I had the joyful experience of getting 5-6, I'm pretty sure 5 but don't quote me, cortisone shots into my shoulder blade. Fantastic, I know. I had SWORN I wouldn't go through with the shots if they said I needed them, because my dad gave me this big long lecture on how he heard they shortened your life and are bad for you and blah blah blah. Well, my doctor says my dad if full of shit, no news there. Basically, I have what are called trigger points. Kind of like pressure points, but not. Anyway, in June 2007, while rehearsing for Sneak Preview, I had a back spasm which lead to me sitting out of half a rehearsal and being put on a shit load of ibuprofen. [Side note: I'm listening to PC 07 right now and since I'm mentioning it in the blog at the same time it's making me REALLY nostalgic and excited for camp next weekend] The pain kind of went away, but I just kind of dealt with it the rest of the summer. Eventually my upper back hurt more and more and I went to the doctors in early 08... same story. So I, again, dealt with it. Finally I went to the doctors again after coming home from tour. You know, when they told me PC prematurely sent me home? Yeah, that time. [I'm not still upset about that, oh no...] THIS time it was not the same story. I was told I had a trigger point and that I would have to get steroid shots if it didn't improve. I was, again, given a shit load of ibuprofen and told to massage and use a heating pad everynight. I couldn't make that happen every night but I did my best. I was also told to avoid cold temperatures, and being out at field shows did not help with that any. BUT still, no improvement. SO, almost 2 years after injuring myself, and not really being able to use my right arm without horrible pain for the last few weeks, I went back to the doctors. After 2 seconds my doc could tell it was jacked up and we discussed what I would do. We decided on cortisone shots into the trigger points along my right shoulder blade, as a short term fix and to break the cycle of pain, then I have to make an appointment with a physical therapist, which the way my doc described it, will basically be a very deep tissue massage and they'll show me how to prevent spasms and such. Coolio but not. I had to get shots! In my shoulder blade! I HATE SHOTS! They gave me liquid nitrogen spray first, which burns like a bitch btw, then they did the shots. I felt FANTASTIC for a good hour, but now I'm hurting again, not like before, more like when you get the flu shot and feel a little bruised. Except its all along my shoulder blade. Son of a bitch.

I still have no job. There was a potential job for which I had scheduled an interview for this morning... but then I found out it was that knife company Milk Chocolate works for and I decided I wasn't ready to completely sell my soul... I also did not have the $135 needed as a deposit. Who does that?! Nothing from the district in weeks. It's really pretty lame. I have kind of given up on them. My mom and I talked about me going onto unemployment but I don't know what that would work.

Love-wise things have been pretty blah... would probably help if I got out of the house more often and stuff, but other than getting hit on by a few guys at bars with Sarah and Vanessa and a strange increase in the number of high school boys hitting on me while I coach, nothing looks promising. Noah has been way too busy for me lately. At first I was really panic-y about it. I was really depressed that I wasn't talking to him every single night and if I did it was literally so he could tell me good night. Or I'd get some random text saying he missed me or loves me. But still, I think I've had one or 2, tops, 6+ mins conversations with him in 3 weeks. I know he's in school and super busy... and that I'm not his girlfriend, I still care about him and that doesn't just turn off, though I really wish it would sometimes. I've gotten a lot more... if I say 'okay' I sound like I'm being facetious... I guess you could say more accepting? I don't know how to word it. Indifferent? I don't know. The way I look at it, he's making an effort and I'm not his girlfriend, gotta give him some credit. I've just stopped hoping he'll call and when he does it's almost a surprise. Tonight he has a gig with Rockasaurus Rex in Memphis at some party. He was telling me how ridiculously busy he was going to be today. It's been really hard for me to understand that he's really busy and that I need to not worry about it since I'm not "involved" with him, but at the same time, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I shouldn't believe him and that he's making things up and doing things, aka other girls, without telling me. We had told each other we'd be 100% honest if anything were to come up or happen, and he's proven that with telling me about Melissa, aka Alabama Girl, moving to Memphis next year... but I've been burned before and I've been so cautious of letting other people into my trust... but whatever. I'm over thinking, as usual. It's what I'm good at. I found out that OFFICIALLY I'm an alumni of UCI today and even though my degree is in History, it should be over thinking... aka philosophy... also see, B.S.

So that's my bloated attempt at an update. I'm still attempting Gone With The Wind. Hell of a book... in that I'm not even 100 pages in and captivated and put off by its shear size. I will finish before leaving on tour, oh yes, I will.

Now it is time for beddy bye. I'm thinking of working on my applications this coming week... since that was my goal for this week and it didn't happen in the least. If I decided to procrastinate, I'm going to make sure that it's doing something other than playing the Sims. Now I'm just procrastinating on sleep so I need to get off the typity box...



Good night, Moon!

I leave you with this. It's probably one of the more adorable versions of this song, ever.