Sunday, July 11, 2010

22 years, 362 days...

It's almost my birthday. It's weird to think that I'm almost 23. Not an exciting age, but still... it's one of those ages where it just sounds old. I feel old. An injury from 2007 has come back to haunt me. I've been babying a hurt shoulder for almost a week now. I even had to go to the doctors for another cortisone shot, it hurt. So that's been happening. I've been uber moody from PMSing. It's really sad that I KNOW that I'm being a little over the top, especially with my anger, but I just NEED to get it out. It's hard to explain. Olivia has decided that we're making these fucking curtains, I don't even want, yet I spent almost $100 on the materials for them, and I've done all the sewing thus far. It's really annoying, and especially with how moody I am, there has been a lot of yelling lately.

The shoulder thing has really made life suck, because I'm trying to lose 8 pounds, and when it hurts to move the shoulder, it's hard to do anything. I've been trying to wake up early every morning and go running, but I decided not to on Thursday and Friday, or over the weekend. So I ran about 2 miles last week. I'm going to try to do it every morning this week, but I already think that I may not on birthday. But then again, I may still run that day. I mean, I never thought the day would come when Olivia weighs 6 pounds less than me. I'm 133 according to Kaiser. I mean, that's not horrible, but I'd so rather be 120-125. So that's the goal for the summer: at least be 125 by the time I start school. I miss drum corps. I don't want to be that age out that suddenly gains a ton of weight. Yeah, yeah I'm not 300lb or something, but still this is a lot to me and I'm extremely self-conscious of my weight. I mean, I've always been small. I don't want to deal with people going "oh you put on a little" trying to be cute. That kills me. Hell, I get crap from my parents for wanting to eat a little healthier. I'm sorry I don't want to be over 200lbs. I hate saying it, but I don't want to be like my mom. It's in her genes, which means it's in mine too.

Sigh

I feel like a total jack ass now.

Anyway, so I don't even know what else to type about. I could complain a little about being single, how annoying Noah is when he sends me stupid things about Rock-a-sauras Rex, or how my heart is slowly breaking because PC will be leaving for tour this week, but I'm really annoying myself right now with simple dwelling on all of the above. I think I my just go to sleep. I needed to type a little bit.

No comments: