I hate when I make bad decisions. I really do. They make me feel like I'm spiraling down in a plane crash or something. That's pretty melodramatic, I know. But if it wasn't melodramatic, it just wouldn't be my style.

This isn't necessarily that bad, though it sure seems like it to me. I would almost prefer the plane crash. I really don't want to go into detail on the world-wide web, but it's pretty bad. I've been in this position before but the only people who know that already know about this... if that makes any sense. It wouldn't be bothering me this much if I remembered stuff better and people didn't keep making me freak out. I'm EASILY prone to panic attacks and this is definitely something that'll give anyone a panic attack. I just wish I could calm myself down. I know what I have to do but it's like, I don't know what's worse, how things are now or how they will be after. I guess it all depends on what happens. I just hate waiting, I guess. I hate mind games. I hate myself right now. I really do. I want to curl up in a little ball and cry (told ya, melodramatic is my style). But alas, only time will tell if I'm over reacting or not. I think I am, and other people are telling me that I am, but still. You would think that I would learn my lesson and not make the same mistake twice... But if you really think about it I don't think I made any mistake and I did everything that I was supposed to... but maybe that was a mistake. I don't know. I'm still freaking out. The only people I want to talk to right now I can't so this is the only way for me to just get it out and not explode with frustration. I think I'm going to take care of things tomorrow. Sooner is better than later, right? I just want my mind to be at ease. I hate anxiety like this.