Big Love...

WHOA! I think that this could quite possibly be my new favorite show. It's starting to edge out Scrubs a little bit... not a lot though. I just finished season 1, and I'm watching the first episode of season 2 as I type this. Seriously, SO AWESOME! Here are a few observations that I have come up with since watching this show:

- I could NEVER practice polygamy. I mean, besides the fact that it's against the law and kind of gross... I have a hard time sharing. Seriously, I cannot do the things these women do. First few episodes show him having sex with his wives... seriously? How can you share something that... that, personal, that sacred, with other people? Not right, nope, not right...

- These deluded Mormon women get more action sharing one guy than I've had in way too long haha. 

- I'm happy with my religion. As well as my state. I know the two aren't linked, but in this show, those lines are pretty blurred.

- These girls are more selfless than I think I could ever be. 

So those are a few observations I've made. It was funny, earlier, I tried explaining how everyone was related and connected to my sister.... I'm still shocked I could do so. It's hilarious. 

In other news, I'll be publishing (well, writing a blog) a review about Next soon. I am about a hundred pages away from the end. OMG! There's MonkeyBoys and parrots that can do math and people owning the genes of other people... INSANE! It's almost as good as Big Love, but since it's a book, I have to do a little more work. I didn't finish today because it gives me something to do in between classes tomorrow. 

And in even more other news, I am, yet again, falling for Noah. I hate that I'm becoming the bad guy. I'm becoming something I hate. I'm toying with his emotions. I don't know if he realizes it, but I do. I hate myself for it. One second, I can't stand him. I hate him even. But then I miss him like crazy. I start talking to him again. I do all these things that scream "I love you." He had actually stopped telling me he loved me for awhile, I was happy about that. But today, this morning, I woke up to a text message saying "Love you Sweetie <3">

But the same time, I'm scared shitless. I miss him but I'm scared. I'm scared to open up feelings to anyone. I'm so damn tired of being rejected. 5 Boyfriends... that's how many boys I have been with since Noah. Noah is the only one I think that I "loved" in the purest sense of the word. I loved them all, for their own ways. But he was my first "love," the first person I felt that way for. I don't know. I'm just... ugh... I would love to "rekindle" things with him. I really would. But he lives so far away, we want such different things. I feel like I'm going around in circles. It doesn't make sense to have any sort of relationship with him, especially if I want it to last. He was talking about how he can't wait to kiss me. I have to admit, I melted a little. I want to kiss him too. But again, rejection... it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. And I hate to give Zach too much credit, but he kind of put the last nail in the coffin. He didn't give our relationship a chance, and I'm fine with that now, but I'm tired of being the rebound girl or the girl people don't want to try and fight to be with. I was watching the Bachelor earlier... he totally chose one girl... THEN went back on it and broke up with her on TV to get with the one he originally broke up with... also on TV. SO Retarded! I hate boys... not really, but still. I'm so confused. It's times like this that I really wish people read my blog. I need feed back on these things. 

UGH! Right now is another example of how he acts. I sent him a message explaining that my parents were making fun of my single-ness and saying they were going to put me in an arranged marriage and that it made me feel like I have no life. He just sent me a message saying "Love you and your no life." Adorable, right? How am I supposed to fight this?! What is the right thing to do. I need help on this...