As you get older, you go through stages where it seems like everyone around you is doing something except for you. I've already experienced several of these moments. Everyone getting their first boyfriends/girlfriends; everyone graduating; everyone finding a job; I am now to the point in my life where it seems like everyone is getting married.
In the last 3-4 years, I have been to 5 weddings, and I'm going to at least 2 more this year. I have heard about many more weddings recently through the grapevine (aka social media/text gossip). It's so strange to me that people I know (some older, many younger than me) are getting hitched. I gave my sister a hard time when she got married because I felt like they were both really young. They were 23. That still seems very young to me, but at the same time younger me would've pictured myself married by now. I'm going to be 27 in a few months (I feel ancient realizing that it's only about 3 months from now, ugh). I had always thought that I would be married and have kids before I was 30. Now, I just hope that I'm married by 30 (Kids would still be nice before then, but preferably after the whole marriage thing).
Now, unless you've been paying almost zero attention when reading these blogs, you should know that I have a boyfriend at the moment. We've been dating about 3 months now. That's a long time to me, but that's only because my last 2 relationships lasted about 1-2 months, about 5 years ago. So while we've both used the L word, it hasn't gotten to the point where we've talked about a long term plan or anything.
My friend Summer set us up, and since sending our first few texts (MONTHS before our first date) she has been planning our wedding. I'm not talking seriously planning, because that would be weird on so many levels. I'm talking, teasing about where we'd have it, what the bridesmaids would wear (apparently pockets are a must), honeymoon ideas, etc. For the longest time I kept these little teasing moments to myself. Then the teasing spread. Soon after meeting him for the first time, my students began saying stuff about wedding bells. (They all want to be invited, and they also think I should get married in Europe. An idea I'm totally not against since I really want to visit Europe anyway.)
I recently started telling Jon about these moments, for better or worse. So far he has been a good sport about it. I haven't seen any eye rolls or heard any groans. While he hasn't really made any outright statements about it being too soon or not a possibility (and he obviously hasn't gotten on one knee with a ring), he has made a few comments that make him at least appear to be ok with the idea. He talks about things down the road. Not too far into the future but far enough that I know he wants this relationship to last.
Shortly after becoming "official" I met a lot of his family at his mom's birthday lunch. His aunt pointed out to me then that I must be special if he brought me to see his family. My parents have made comments themselves. My dad said that he was around Jon's age when he started dating my mom. He said that at that age (he'll be 29 next month for the record), a guy isn't really messing around and they really only bring girls home if it's serious. I should also add that Jon had been talking about me meeting his family since well before actually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.
At this wedding we went to together recently, it got to that point in the evening for the bouquet and guarder toss. Now, my mom has pretty much had to force me to take part in these events at past weddings (partially because I was bitter and single). This time, I was out of my seat without a word from anyone. My shocked mother said in front of the whole table (my parents, brother, boyfriend, high school friend and band director/boss) that she was so shocked that I was willingly taking part. I did not catch the bouquet, but I participated. When the guarder toss happened, Jon kind of helped get my brother out on to the floor to take part. While he was there, my dad and boss said some cheeky stuff. Boss: "Let's see if he goes for it." Dad: "Yeah. If he dives for it, I'm in trouble." I was probably 10 shades of red. And while he didn't catch the guarder, I did see that he kind of tried.
With these things all buzzing through my head, it's really hard not to think about what could be. Since I've been hurt before, it's hard to think about anything more than a few months down the road without giving myself an anxiety attack. Let's go back to my friend Summer. She has said a few times now that she hopes she isn't putting wedding pressure on me. She doesn't want me to feel obligated to want to marry Jon. And I guess I don't feel pressure exactly. There is that pang of longing for something that many people around me seem to have or be close to having, but I don't feel pressured to get engaged right now.
But what if? There's always a what if. Looking at the situation from an objective, clinical point of view, it is WAY too soon to even be considering something like marriage. We've been in a relationship 3 months, dating 4-5 months, talking for about 8 months (ok, now that seems crazy haha. Doesn't feel that long all, but I digress). We still have SO much we need to learn about each other. He is still in school. I am looking for a real job. We haven't even talked about what it is we want in the future (kids, settling down, etc.). And, we've never been in a fight (I'm already bracing myself for when that finally happens, cuz it will eventually, but I'm not actively seeking it out haha).
Looking at it from an emotional point of view, I am head over heels for this boy. I read old text messages from him all the time. I think about him all the time. I feel happiest in the moments when I can just lay in his arms. We have inside jokes that will get me laughing to the point of squeaking/hyperventilating. He finds it adorable/funny when I say unintentionally dirty things. I love that I can crochet him a Skryim helmet and Bofur hat, and he actually wears them. I love that OTHER PEOPLE say he looks happiest and smiles biggest when he's around me. I love that we can go to an arcade and be little kids together. I love that he's supportive and goes to my kids shows with me. I love that when I'm having a bad day he wants to drop what he's doing and make me feel better. Or when I was crying during a particularly bad day/situation, he just wanted to make me feel better the rest of the day.
The long and short of it (because I've already rambled about this too much): if he asked, I'd say yes in a heartbeat, but you better believe there'd be MANY things to talk about before an actual walk down the aisle.
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