I haven't written anything in a while, so I thought why not? I don't really have much to say, I'm kind of just bored and trying to distract myself. I always get a little mopey right after Jon leaves, and he just left. I feel like I've been getting spoiled because throughout the summer we've actually been able to spend most Mondays together. I'm not subbing or coaching, he has Mondays off anyway, so it works. I always love getting to see him more and he does too. And I love days like today when I thought he was going to be leaving so much earlier, and he stayed until 8pm.

I am still in awe everyday that I found him. I don't know how I could ever truly thank Summer for being so damn persistent that we date haha. I'm so head over heels for this boy. I feel like this summer has only made me love him more. Because we've spent more time together, we've definitely become a lot closer. Not to sound so rude and gross, but we've gotten to the "comfortable enough to fart in front of each other" stage haha. I can be completely honest and open about things, which is not really something I can say about past relationships.

Speaking of which, we were eating dinner with my dad, who had been drinking a bit, and my dad said "I hope you know she's had like 10 boyfriends before you." (which is not true, for the record) Apparently I was extremely red, and I did use that as my exit to go serve dessert to everyone haha. Jon and I have started talking a little bit about past relationships. Not in extreme detail, but enough. Like I kind of told him about asshat, and he told me how he dated a girl 7 or 8 years younger than him. Which I'm still a little shocked about, mostly because this had to have been in the last few years. I didn't realize how upset-ish/jealous it would make me to even hear little things about his exes, but it kind of does. I've always been a jealous person, and I don't even like thinking about him with someone else. I know that's silly, and I've been good about not dwelling on it. I'm not so upset to the point where I don't let him say things about his past and we both rarely ever say things about past relationships, so it's not even an issue.

I'm also not as bothered as I think I could be because I know he loves me. This is where I feel like a hypocrite because I don't like hearing about his past but I'm going to talk about mine. In my past experiences, I can't say that I always knew that I was loved. To be honest I'm still a little afraid to let myself believe Jon loves me. I've been hurt a lot. We've all been hurt by a past love, that's life, but I have a hard time letting things go. So even though I know in my heart that Jon loves me and that I have no reason to think otherwise, part of me still gets scared, like I'm just letting myself be naive. But this "fear" is little. I don't really feel that paranoid about it. Only sometimes when I'm already anxious or paranoid about something else and my mind just wants to make everything into something to fear.

But I feel like I'm getting off on a tangent. So boyfriend and I have been growing so much closer. He has been nothing but supportive and compassionate and loving through so much. This summer has been a lot of ups and downs. I've had several great job interviews that sadly did no end with a job. And he was there and supportive through all of that. He was even literally there for one of the interviews. He has kept me the most optimistic because he's my little cheer leader. Even when I didn't think I had a chance at something or that something had gone terribly wrong, he's told me how he believes in me and know I can do it. I had some health stuff happen, and he was about ready to call off work to take me to the doctor and take care of me. He is my weirdo, we do and say inappropriate things together all the time. I am just so in love.

Like I said, just thought I'd write some stuff. I have more I could talk about but it's getting late and I need to take care of some other things, so I guess this is all for now.