I have a million other things I should probably be doing right now, but I feel like I need to do something that isn't school related for a little while.
I got the job that I talked about interviewing for in the last post. It's been a great and completely overwhelming experience. I found out about a week after the interview. Not even a week, actually. I got the call while I was coaching color guard. My guard kids all ran over and gave me a hug because I was so happy I was on the verge of tears. I told the band director and he gave me a big hug, he knows how long I've been working for this.
I feel like I have so much to talk about but not even remotely enough time. It took forever to actually get in my classroom. Lots of paper work and bureaucracy. I got to meet my classes a few times before starting. It was good and bad because I got to see what I was in for. I'm teaching 1 period of US history, 4 periods of World history... one of which is all English Learners. I have to have a translator in the classroom with me just so students can kind of have an idea of what is going on.
I started the job on October 15th. It was the PSAT, so I actually only got to see one class. The next day was the Great Shake Out, so disaster drill during my largest, most chaotic class.
I've been through so many things so far. I've had LOTS of help from other teachers. I've made at least one friend and my department seems great so far. I "officially" started BTSA yesterday. I have so much I should be doing for that right now.
Apparently I just like having too much going on in my life. I'm still coaching color guard, for now. I want to keep being involved in some way, but I'm not really sure how long I can keep it up the way I've been doing. I was saying not too long ago that this may be my last year. At the time, it seemed like a good idea, like something I wanted. But now that the decision is kind of becoming final without me having too much say, I'm really wishing I could keep doing it. I love color guard. I've been doing it in some way for 13 years. Most of that time has been teaching it. I really hate the idea of leaving those students half way through the year. I was actually looking forward to winter guard, now I know that I really won't be able to be there for it. I've already started kind of talking my exit strategy with Nordquist. In my head, it makes sense to have Lynsey come back and replace me. If nothing else, just until the end of the school year. I love Stephanie, and I'm sure she'll be fine with the kids without me. But I know that Crystal can't really be there all the time and I trust Lynsey so much. I said I could be a "consultant," coming in whenever I can, going to a few shows. But the reality is, I have SO much I need to do at my "big girl" job. I need to focus my time and energy on teaching.
That being said, I still want to have a life too. I actually had another Social Studies teacher pop her head in my room after school today (I rarely leave before 3:30 when school ends at 3) and say, "Go home! Remember, you have a life outside of here. They don't put murphy beds in the classrooms!" And she's right. I've been working for probably 3ish hours since being home on planning lessons. I have a bunch of paper work and journals I need to write for my BTSA Support Provider by next thursday. I have a million teacher things to do. But I have friend things, and girlfriend things too. Friday I have to drive all the way to Claremont for Jon's cousin's rehearsal dinner, then I'm going with him to the wedding on Saturday. I'm just going to be meeting pretty much all the family I haven't met yet, no pressure or anything. I want to make sure when I'm with him on weekends, I'm spending that time with him and not working on things. I only get to see him those few days, I don't want to spend that precious time typing on my computer when I can be joking or talking or cuddling with him. I'm also been talking with Summer about how serious I am about Jon, and how I'm thinking about talking to him about it. He's just as much a priority as teaching. We're talking trips, he was talking about futures the other day where we apparently own 5 dogs... This is just as important to me as anything else. He has been my little cheerleader. I've been having BAD anxiety attacks. Mostly at the beginning of the week. Mondays are hard, they suck. Students are cranky, I'm still getting my feet on the ground. Usually I run into more behavior problems at the beginning of the week. It's been rough. Jon has dealt with SO many crazy texts that prove I should probably get checked out for something. I am constantly crying and a wreck, or telling him how much I love and appreciate him and how much he supports me. I feel like I'm being a crappy girlfriend and not supporting him as much as I should. I'm trying but it's hard to juggle everything. But he's been my rock. I've been able to cry to him about everything and he gives me a new perspective on things.
It feels like my future is coming true but not entirely. Like this job, only a one year position. I get to be a real teacher for one year, then who knows what'll happen. They said they'll do their best to keep me but it doesn't look like enrollment will call for another teacher. Jon, well, things are pretty darn made up in my mind. I can see myself growing old with him. I want to be there with him for everything. I would love to get some confirmation from him that he wants that too. I would love a ring, but I don't even need that just yet. I just want peace of mind knowing that he wants something like that in the future. I told Summer, I'm channeling all of my anxieties about work into other anxieties to make things more bearable.
Alright. I now wake up at 5:30 on a daily basis and I'm exhausted. Until next time!
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