I'm trying to get in the habit of blogging more often, but I really don't know why, no one reads them :P. Anywho, since I called my blog "Learning..." I thought that I should write something about what I'm learning, which means I'm going to write a little about this stupid Columbus paper that I'm still not done with. I actually did make progress. I reached the minimum word count, but I've only covered 1 of my 3 comparisons. Joy. I figure writing the paper from a more explanatory, not-actually-writing-my-stupid-paper way, will help clear my head and thoughts a little.

So, yeah. Columbus. We watched this Ridley Scott  movie in my class called 1492: Conquest of Paradise and we are supposed to compare that with the 6 pages of his actual diary we read. Yeah, you try to make that work. Anyway, I've been comparing the first sighting of land, first meeting with the natives and... well, I'll think of a third thing to compare once I've written the other stuff. It needs to be between 500 and 1,000 words and I think I have 470 something. Basically, in the text, the first sighting was made by some guy named Rodrigo de Triana, who was on the lead ship that wasn't even the flagship. Columbus didn't see land first. In the movie he is heroically hanging off the bow of the Santa Maria, watching the island appear out of the fog... give me a break, they really found land at 2 in the morning. And in the first meeting, the movie shows the natives as being so... child-like. They come up and hesitantly touch the Spaniards. It's so much like a little kid who sees a puppy or a toy for the first time. The book, if you can call it that, has them trading things with the Spanish and being curious, but not so overly played up curious. Yeah, I'm still working on that third thing... I'll think of something, I kind of have to. At least I actually started the paper more than just the day before. 

So, as I sit here watching the Screen Actors Guild Awards, falling asleep and not completely sure why I'm awake, I need to be up at 6am, ready to choreograph. Oh joy. I'm not feeling as... woah-is-me as I have been in the last few days. Seriously, I think that the wouldbe, mightbe commitment that was looming kind of killed my "happy."I think that I'm a little better now. I admitted that I cannot say with honesty that I love him anymore. I don't. I care for him, but there has been too much time, too many others, too much... basically I've grown away from that love I felt so long ago, when I was much more naive and young. I understand more of what it means to love someone, to be in love and to be loved. Mostly from the lack of those feelings and emotions I have experiences with other. I am just starting to learn who I am and what I want... being single has never been easy for me, I hate being alone, but for the last 5 months I have been getting to know myself better and make choices for myself better than I ever have before. It may sound selfish, but I don't want to have that taken away. Even if it is only taken away to an infinitesimally small degree.

Buenos Noches