I hate to make it seem like I simply use this blog as a way to vent my feelings when I have no one around, but apparently that's when I'm most inspired (motivated?) to write anything.

One of the things that has been one my mind a lot (probably too much) has been finding a job. If you go back and read any of my other posts in this blog, you'll notice that I spend a ton of time writing about boys and relationships. These used to be the things that defined me; my relationship to a boy or lack there of. But I have started to see that it's more fun to be myself, sans companion. Now, would I like a boyfriend? Heck yeah, but I feel like I don't need one to be "whole". I feel this is me slowly maturing, but we'll see haha. I have since moved the focus of my time and energy in to other areas of life, trying to figure out what "defines" me. And though I still feel that I haven't completely figured it all out, I do know that one thing I identify with is teaching.

Since I was 15, I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I have had fleeting moments here and there where I thought about doing other things in life, but I never seriously considered any of them. Once I got to actually stand in front of a class, teach a lesson, help students, I was hooked! I wanted to keep doing it. But it's been so disheartening these last few months. It used to be that you couldn't find enough people willing to become teachers. People were getting emergency credentials and jobs, fresh out of college without any experience in a classroom. Now I have a year of student teaching/subbing under my belt and I can't even get an interview.

Not to get all philosophical, but is this a sign? I have had so many people tell me I should look into other fields. Is this God/the Universe's way of saying "hey, just kidding, this isn't for you"?

The 2 biggest nay-sayers have been Jen and my grandfather. Jen and I don't always see eye-to-eye on things, but because of the guard at Cal we see each other a lot. And when someone you see basically everyday tells you that you shouldn't do something you're passionate about, it's hard to shake it off. My grandfather is a little bit different scenario. I may not see him everyday, but he is family, and has been supportive in many other instances. My dad says he's from a different generation and that I shouldn't take what he says to heart, but when he says things like "you're a pretty girl, you should get into sales or something!" and he means it with the utmost sincerity, it hurts. He got me to tears talking about giving up teaching guard (which I can kind of get) and eventually telling me I shouldn't be a teacher. He has since brought it up again, in front of many people, and adding the loving caveat "now, don't ya start crying..." before preceding to tell me I've wasted the last 2 years. At least that time didn't result in tears, and I simply kept my mouth shut... I feel like those 2 actions are connected.

Now, I had a point to all of this before. Old Sam, defined by boys. New Sam, defined by career/lack of career. Instead of getting frustrated/jealous of other girls with their boyfriends, or being sulky over an ex who has moved on (though that has happened recently...) I have started to have those same feelings toward friends who have the great fortune of finding work. I know a bunch of other people who are teachers. Considering I met most of them through drum corps/color guard, I think that's pretty cool. If I had to guess-timate, I would say 90% of them have found jobs for this school year. Fantastic for them! But at the same time, little jealous Sam is not so happy for them. I try to keep those feeling out of my head, but it's hard.

VERY hard.

I'm doing my darndist to stay positive. Daily I go on Edjoin (a site where teaching jobs in CA are posted) and either apply to anything new that has popped up or check the status of the 20ish applications I have out there in the ether. Only a handful have even had the kindness to write me saying, "We're sorry, but the position is filled." I would love to AT LEAST make it to an interview.

C'mon, cut me a break already...

I may write more later if I can remember, but that's all the venting for now.

30 Days of Childishness...

... or one long post that we'll pretend was 30 days.

I haven't written anything in a really long time, I know. But things have been pretty uneventful, and most of the events are things that I don't particularly want to remember. So yeah.

So what is this 30 day thing? Well, I have been a secret/not-so-secret fan of Doctor Who for a little while now, and in anticipation of the show returning from it's summer hiatus, BBC's official tumblr for the show (weird, right?) is doing one of those stupid "post one thing every day" things. I've seen people do them before on myspace and facebook, and since I'm not really that girl any more, I thought I would post it here! SO here is my "30 day" count down to the return of Doctor Who! (Which everyone should watch, BTW. AWESOME show. Seriously. It is not even funny how quickly I have become obsessed with this show.) BTW, none of this will make sense if you haven't seen the show, but it may be helpful in starting to watch it :]

"30 Days" of Doctor Who
"Day" 1: Which regeneration of The Doctor would you most want to meet and why?

Hmmm. I really don't know. I love 10 & 11. It's hard to explain, especially if you don't know Who, but I consider the 10th Doctor (David Tennant) to be MY doctor. BUT I absolutely LOVE Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor, and he's probably my favorite. I think I would want want to meet the 11th Doctor, because he is the current Doctor, and I wouldn't be giving any "spoilers" away in conversation. (I would just like to point out how silly I feel doing this, but I love it at the same time.) He's funny and clever... and this moment makes me smile for many reasons :]



"Day" 2: What’s your favorite episode (and why)?

Okay, I have SO many more than one episode.

"The Girl in the Fireplace": This episode combines SciFi and history, so that's an automatic win in my book. To sum up the story, The Doctor, Rose and Mickey land on an abandoned space station, with a fireplace in it linked to the bedroom of a young french girl in the 18th Century. Now if that isn't strange, there are other "doors" throughout the station to different points in the life this one girl; Madame de Pompadour, mistress to Louis XV. The Doctor and his companions figure out that robots on the ship, who's job is to keep it running, have harvested the crew to replace parts on the station and are now after Madame de Pompadour to replace the main computer of the ship. They have no clue why the robots chose her, but the Doctor must now figure out a way to stop them. In the end he cannot stop them without becoming trapped in the 18th Century himself. He does find a convenient way to get back to his companions and the TARDIS (his time traveling blue box), and even promises to take Madame de Pompadour to any star she wants. The funny thing is, what seems like minutes to him is years for her (time travel is weird like that), and when he returns from quickly getting everything ready, Madame de Pompadour is dead, having written him a touching note which she left with Louis, knowing the Doctor would eventually return. I cannot do the episode justice. It really must be seen. So touching, I cannot watch it without crying. Oh and my favorite part, as they leave the space station, still not sure why the robots chose to go back in time to get Madame de Pompadour's brain, they pan out on the exterior of the space station to show it's name... the "Madame de Pompadour."

"Blink": Now, while the name of this episode is very much like the name of one of my favorite bands, but it is not why this episode is a must-see. "Blink" is a "Doctor lite" episode, you really only see him in 3 scenes throughout the entire episode.The premise of this one is there are these creatures known as the Weeping Angels. They look a lot like statues when you look at them, usually covering their face, like they are crying. Like this:

The thing is, they are one of the fastest, most deadly creatures in the universe. When you see them, they do not exist, hence why they look like statues. BUT is you look away, "even blink" they will kill you instantly, before you even know what happened. And when they kill you, you don't "die" right away... you are actually sent back in time to die a slow, natural death. Weird, but very scary if you think about it, being sent back in time with all of the ones you love never knowing what happened to you... So the whole episode revolves around this one girl who must defeat the angels, with the help of the Doctor through some very creepily placed clues. Totally scary and awesome. :]



UM...

"The Eleventh Hour": This is the first time we REALLY get to see the 11th Doctor in action. Fresh from his tear-jerking regeneration, and with crashing TARDIS to boot! We meet Amelia Pond, the girl who takes the Time Lord in, makes me Fish Fingers and Custard... the girl who waited for him... 12 years. Such a great introduction to the new incarnation of the Doctor. This is my favorite part of the episode, because A) the music rocks. B) The brief "History of Who" that's thrown in :]


"Silence in the Library"/"Forest of the Dead": The first time we (and the Doctor) meet River Song! She is quite possibly my favorite character, partly because she is an Archaeologist, and partly because she just kicks ass. Also this story is all about a library so big, it's an ENTIRE PLANET! C'mon, how can I not love that!? It's got the scare factor with the Vashda Nerada, meat-eating shadows, and it has the intrigue of River Song. She's someone from the Doctor's own person future, who she has known her entire life, but he is meeting her for the first time. Their time lines go in opposite directions... for the most part. They never meet in the right order. She even keeps track of when they meet in a diary, which he can never see because it is her past and his future. If you watch the show, her big "phrase" is "Spoilers," since there are so many things they cannot talk about because of the how it could effect time... so much more to it than that, but that's as best as I can do for now.


OH, and if I leave out these last two, my brother would kill me (since I'm always watching these episodes haha)

"The Pandorica Opens"/"The Big Bang 2": Basically the universe is collapsing and the Doctor must erase himself and cause a Big Bang to reboot the universe. Pretty epic episode. Like in this clip!



"A Good Man Goes to War": The entire time we meet River Song after "Silence in the Library," we (and the Doctor) have no clue who she is... it's a pretty big "spoiler." Well, we finally find out! I can't say much more because it ruins SO much of the show... but yeah, awesome.



"Day" 3: Favorite quote or one liner from Doctor Who?
Allons-y!


Bow ties/fezzes/stetsons are cool.


Would you like a Jelly Baby? (I've started watching the 4th Doctor.. :] Love it.)


Well



and of course, "Hello, Sweetie"


"Day" 4: What’s your favorite relationship on Doctor Who?

Hmmm... That's a tough one.

Of course, Rose and Ten.

kiss, david tennant, doctor, rose tyler, billie piper (clipped to polyvore.com)

Amy and Rory :D


Sarah Jane and Four


And

Eleven and River


"Day" 5: What habit of the Doctor’s makes you laugh the most?

How eccentric the current Doctor is.


"Day" 6: If you had a vortex manipulator and could tell your past self just one thing, what would it be?

Hm... I don't know. I don't think I would really want to tell myself anything. Spoilers.

"Day" 7: If you could have your memory erased of any Doctor Who episode so you could watch it again like it was brand new, which one would it be & why?

Hm... Probably the last one, so that I could be surprised by the big reveal of who River is.

"Day" 8: Draw whatever you think a Time Head would look like.

I can't draw on a blog, so this is what I found in a Google image search for "time head"


"Day" 9: Name something/someone in real life that you suspect is from Doctor Who.

Hm... I don't know haha. It's after 1:30am... I'm not really thinking well.

"Day" 10: Who is your favorite guest actor to appear in an episode of Doctor Who?

Hm, well if I knew names of British actors this would be a lot easier. I'm going to sat Georgia Moffat in "The Doctor's Daughter", just because I love that she is the real life daughter to the 5th Doctor, played the Doctor's daughter in the episode, ended up dating/marrying David Tennant (the 10th Doctor) and recently had a daughter with him (the "Doctor's" daughter). haha

"Day" 11: What actor would you love to see guest star on Doctor Who?

Hm... Michael Kane. Not really sure why, but yes. OR Sean Connery. mmmm ;]

"Day" 12: Name a Doctor Who TV crossover that you would love to see happen (other than Torchwood/Sarah Jane Adventures).


Well, True Blood would be a cool one (which the Doctor himself, Matt Smith, mentioned he would love at Comic Con)...

But just because I'm me, I would have to say Dexter... not really sure how that would work. I think the Doctor would have to be trying to stop Dexter, not really help him... but yeah, that could be cool. You know what, scratch that, I change the actor I want to see guest star to Michael C. Hall... mmm Dexter :]

"Day" 13: What is your favorite/scariest Moffatism?

The LAST thing in the trailer for the rest of the season. SUCH a little mock at the audience. You can tell it's really him (Steven Moffat, head writer/show runner) talking through the Doctor to the audience... "Haven't you figured that one out yet?" Oh Moffat, you cheeky bastard.


"Day" 14: Which Doctor Who baddies could you potentially see teaming up with The Doctor (not including the Master)?

Um... I don't know. Do these guys count?

Just too adorable.

"Day" 15: Would you perfer to have River’s sonic blaster or the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver?

I already have 2 Sonic Screwdrivers (yes, I actually bought toy replicas, don't judge.)

"Day" 16: What’s your favorite Who-related Tumblr (other than DWO)?

Um... I don't even have a Tumblr... and I don't look at many, soooo....

"Day" 17: What songs would appear in your Doctor Who mixtape?

I love the soundtrack to the show itself! Listen to it A LOT. BUT these would be on my "mixtape."

I am the Doctor (Nintendo/8bit Remix by Steve.xR1P) by stevexr1p

Doctor Who Dubstep Remix by Jonoes

"Day" 18: Mods are asleep! Anything goes!

I should be asleep too.

"Day" 19: Which Doctor Who character is most like you?

Not sure... none?

"Day" 20: What’s your favorite “guest appearance” by someone from history (i.e. Churchill, Van Gogh, etc)?

The Van Gogh episode! Yes the Madame de Pompador was a good one, but the Van Gogh one was amazing. (Also an episode that makes me cry)

Doctor Who - Vincent van Gogh from pinkrobot on Vimeo.

"Day" 21: Post your favorite Who-related photo or GIF

Not really show related but it makes me laugh.




"Day" 22: What is your favorite Who-related video on YouTube?

I've posted MOST of them already... but one more for good measure.




"Day" 23: Favorite villain [classic and new]

NEW: the Silence


OLD: Daleks! of course.



"Day" 24: What is your most memorable Rory death scene?

All of them?

"Day" 25: The TARDIS has a pool. What other weird rooms or objects do you think are in there?

A garage with a car?

"Day" 26: Which character would you most want to meet IRL and why?

Amy, because she's super bold, in-your-face, and has an attitude. I could use some of those things.

"Day" 27: What scene makes you hide behind the sofa?

idk...

"Day" 28: Name a Whoism that you use in real life

"I _____ now. _____s are cool." Example "I wear a Fez now. Fezzes are cool."

"Day" 29: Make up your own short fanfic using Doctor Who animated GIFS.

That's too much work....

"Day" 30: Why do you love Doctor Who?
"Haven't you figured that one out yet?"


& Now that my fan girl side is fulfilled, I'm going to sleep.

Dear Internet Trolls

Today I read a post on "comedy" website about religion. Now, here we have 2 things that really should never meet.

Religion and the internet.

The basis of this post was a conversation between a student and professor about the existence of God, and at the end it was said that the student was Einstein. Now, most people in the comments were very quick to point out that this was probably NOT Einstein since he was not religious and because he was a "smart" man. But the thing that got me was the onslaught of Atheists posting about how "stupid" and "blind' those are who believe in the existence of God.

I am the first to admit I'm not a very religious person. I will even admit (not as willingly) I have questioned my faith and whether God exists. BUT I do consider myself a religious person and believe that there is some higher power in the Universe. I like to think of this power as God, but that's just me. I don't necessarily believe in all the teachings of the Bible, or of the church, but I do feel that there are good lessons taught by religion. People like the Westboro Baptist Church fascinate me because of how they follow every word in the Bible to the letter. I don't think that God hates me, or that he wants me to suffer. To me organized religion is flawed, not religion itself.

Many people who were commenting on this post were talking about how science proves faith is stupid. There were a few that said that they have faith, but it's in science and that they think that since they have proof they are right. It really didn't hit me until I started reading all of these posts just how religion-less internet trolls are.

I have nothing against Atheists. I feel everyone should have the right to believe what they want. I have super religious friends, and I have friends who laugh at religion calling it "fairy tales." I don't think there is a right or wrong point of view. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

The thing that bothers me to no end is how much people want to force what they think down other people's throats. And I kind of feel like a hypocrite simply writing this, but I'm all worked up about this and needed to vent. These internet posters (whom I like to refer to as trolls, though I'm sure someone out there would say they aren't) are all pushing their beliefs. There are over 340 comments, so I didn't read all of them, but I read a good chunk. I saw very few "bible-thumper" type posts. Most were Atheists saying how dumb the poster was to think Einstein would ever say anything in support of religion and how stupid religion is in itself. There was no one really saying anything different. There were a few here and there, but not very many in the scheme of things. I did post something, but I kind of wish I would've just kept my mouth shut. (To quote my own comment " think its funny most of the comments are from Atheists saying the same exact thing. We get it, you don't agree with religion and think the post is stupid. Get over it already, it's only 9gag.") Most people who have been commenting after me have been saying something similar (since a comedy website is no place for arguments over the existence of religion) but I'm pretty sure those who have been posting things like "STUPID FAKE STORY ABOUT EINSTEIN!!

THE LOGIC IS FLAWED!!

EINSTEIN WAS AN ATHEIST, THERE IS A LETTER THAT WAS AUCTIONED A FEW YEARS AGO THAT PRETTY MUCH PROVES THAT!!!
STUPID IDIOT CHRISTIAN!" consider me to be one of the "religious freaks" they are against.

There may be God. Or there may not be. I believe there is; it helps me to get through life. The world would be far too cold and alone without the thought of God and the afterlife. I'm really not sure how people without religion are able to make it through the day. I guess thinking that this is all there is would make you want to make that much more out of life, but it doesn't really work like that for me. And I don't really want or need someone telling me why my view is wrong or why their view is the only correct one. I don't force my views on others (through writing this I'm not trying to "convert" any one, I'm just venting, promise). People on the internet like to get up on their soap box and preach. I've been complaining mostly about Atheists in this particular post, but I get just as annoyed by Christians who push their views on others. People should be able to believe what they want. I would say that this is one of the views that this country was founded on, but as a historian I know this really isn't the case and just how we view it now in retrospect.

The point I'm trying to make is people should be more open to the views of others. Whether everything happens for a divine reason, or it's all just coincidence, it should be up to the individual to decide. I have just as much of a right to believe there is a God and take comfort in that belief, as an Atheist feels comfort knowing that science has proof of everything.

Another thing I just would like to point out, while I'm venting, is that there ARE smart Christians. And I really shouldn't limit it to Christians; there ARE smart people who believe in religion. I consider myself a smart person. I'm not saying I'm a genius, far from it, but I know a thing or two about a thing or two. As much as I think that people should be open to the views of others, I think they should RESPECT people as well. Just because I'm religious doesn't mean I think that every Atheist is an ignorant prick. They aren't an ignorant prick in my book until they close their minds to the idea that someone thinks something different than them. I deeply take offense to remarks that say people who believe in God are stupid or dumb. My father, for example, is a very religious man. I know my father is not the smartest man in the world, but I think of him as a smart man, and his view of God shouldn't have any standing on the grounds of his intelligence. In the same way, a professor who doesn't believe in God should still be seen as a man of intelligence by any religious student.

Respect.

That's my point. Respect the view of others, and hope they return it. If I knew the Bible a little better I may quote a passage that says something along those lines (since I'm guessing there's bound to be something like that in the Bible), but by doing that I would be counterproductive. I have my view, others have theirs. Respect that.

So, while I may be labeled by writing this (if any one who doesn't know me, or know me well, reads this) but I'm open to the views of others. All I'm saying is that the people in this thread on 9gag, and elsewhere, should do the same.